But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
This is not my ceiling
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Randomize
