We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
