Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Randomize
