It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
