i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
