brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
