He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
