I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
