I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
