I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
