Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
