Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
