chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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