just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
