and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I believe in your delicious
Dick very happy bro
Can't talk, ducks in the car
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
