I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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