so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Blood and glitter go together right?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
