Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
