Whats the glycemic index on semen?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
