In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
