Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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