You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
