haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
