The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Randomize
