im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
