My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
