Please, let me fuck your mom
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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