Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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