I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
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