onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
