I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
