Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
