she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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