the new term for farting is butt boxing.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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