you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize