Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
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