No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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