someone threw a dead crab at me
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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