kristin has been a bad kristin
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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