I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
