He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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