I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
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