"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize