he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
