maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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