considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
