When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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