So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
