Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i just sent this text using only my big toe
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize