the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
