so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
