While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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