Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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