Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
