the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
