Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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