I hate your face
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
