If i come over, it means nothing
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
NoShamevember. You game?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
