just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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