note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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