My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
